Things are looking up. Things are going right. Everything that you’ve been worrying about for the past FIVE YEARS? Finally coming together.
The two and a half weeks of nonstop stress dreams, nightmares and the like? They can go to hell, and so can you.
I’m exhausted. I spend all day wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, only to find myself asleep with all the worst parts of my psyche having a carnival in my frontal lobe. I know it’s my tendency when things go well to wait for the shoe to drop. This is my official “not any more.”
I’m tired of your bullshit. I’m tired of you second guessing me at every opportunity. I’m tired of you using my very vivid imagination against me with your endless streams of what-ifs and coulda-beens.
JUST ONCE I want you to stick a sock in it and let me be happy without worrying. I want you to shut up and let me make decisions for myself without being completely paralyzed by fear. I want you to stop insisting that the butterfly effect of my decision to wear my hear in a ponytail or a braid does not put the fate of my future happiness at stake.
In short, neither you nor I are as important as you seem to try to insist.
So sit down, shut the fuck up, and leave me alone for just a few goddamned days.