I don’t do people. I don’t understand them, I don’t get them, they constantly do things which just make me boggle.
I also have trust and abandonment issues, learned over the first 20 years of my life, which I’ve been trying to rise above.
Marianne and people don’t mix.
I realize this and try to keep it in mind when it comes down to my relations with other people. Just because I don’t understand them and expect them to hurt me doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the fact that all of this could just be going on in my own head. But I have rules I hold my friends to, and they apply both to me and to anyone else.
Gradually drifting apart happens. It doesn’t require any long, drawn-out apologies, or anything like that. Sometimes things happen (or don’t) and you lose touch. That’s totally kosher, I do the same thing. I still think of you as my friend, and when circumstances allign to where we’re together again, for me, it’s like nothing has happened and we’re the same as we ever were.
Sometimes you get sick of me. That is also kosher, I get sick of me too. You want space, or time apart, if you tell me, I’ll give it to you. I’ll be sad, because for all I don’t get people, I value those who I consider friends. But I won’t blame you, or be angry, or hold any sort of hard feelings. Everyone needs to do what’s best for them, and if that includes not being around me, that’s totally understandable.
Communication is key. If you’re done, don’t lie or make up excuses to avoid telling me (or anyone else) that things aren’t working for you. Not only does that say that you’re done (which hurts), it says they’re not worth honesty, or knowing your real feelings on the matter. Which is kinda like twisting the knife to make sure you’re not actually missing any sensitive spots.
So, yes, this is currently happening. And while many seem to be in one of two camps: the “How Dare She” of righteous anger, or the analytical “this was somewhat to be expected” of emotionless acknowledgement, I’m stuck alone in party 3. I’ve just lost a friend, and realizing a month later that it’s been that way for a while.